You’re doing better than you think

Becoming a people leader for the first time is both exciting and overwhelming. I remember my first big people leadership role that came about following a major restructure. A friend and colleague lost her job and I - lucky me - was gifted both hers and mine to perform. It came with 50 casual staff and very little available work for them. Talk about trial by fire.

I wanted to do well. I wanted to prove that their faith in me wasn’t misguided. I know that despite the heartache of what happened to my friend, it was a massive opportunity for me and I had no idea where to start. In that process it’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing yourself to others; and I did.

Everywhere I looked there was some evidence that I wasn’t great at my job (yet): the colleagues who were confident every leadership meeting, those that spoke mostly in acronyms, or the senior leader who calmed conflict just by entering the room. This continual comparison led to self-doubt, imposter syndrome and a heap of pressure that I was solely responsible for. I learned a few things on the way from both my own experience, and those that came before me.

We’re all running a different race

Every manager has a different starting point. People come into leadership with varying experience levels, support systems, personality types and challenges. Comparing your beginning to someone else’s middle (or their LinkedIn promotional blurb) isn’t helpful, nor is it realistic. But here’s the truth - we’re all doing the very best we can with the tools we have. On top of that - we’re all trying to put our most professional face forward, so don’t talk about the setbacks, the mistakes, the doubt, the disastrous decisions, or the one team member we just can’t get through to no matter what we do.

“Comparison is the thief of joy.”

No idea who wrote this, but if it was you - high five!

Comparison fuels perfectionism and anxiety

I remember feelings like I had to have all the answers, be constantly available, able to answer every question and deliver flawless performance. All that got me was stress, an upset stomach, crippling anxiety and a fast track to burnout. But (thank you former mentor) leadership isn’t about being perfect; it’s about learning, listening and adapting. Mistakes are essential for growth. They show us that there is a learning opportunity and accepting this is a critical part of maintaining a growth mindset.

The most liberating thing you can do, is admit you don’t have all the answers

My turning point as a leader was realising that the 50 people in my team all had incredible expertise, vision, and a back-catalogue of ideas on how we could supercharge our impact on our business and customers. So instead of ‘being the boss’, I got out of the way. Through facilitated workshops I gave them the vision and some guideline, flip charts, and an opportunity to show me what they thought was possible. Within 12 months we’d grown to 150 people, won awards, and been awarded contracts that more than doubled their take-home pay. Engagement was through the roof and all I’d done was listened, asked for their ideas (and believed them), and then took action on them.

Manage yourself first

All the very best leaders have one thing in common - they have self-awareness and self-control. You can only manage other people as effectively as you know and manage your own emotions. Imposter syndrome - while not a ‘real’ syndrome - is a very real feeling that can be managed and used to fuel your own development if you have the guts to do the work.

Have the conversation with your senior leader around what they think ‘good performance’ looks like, be curious, ask for feedback, and reflect on what is and isn’t working for you. Celebrate the small wins. Seek out a good business mentor to learn from, and consider a coach to do the ‘behind the scenes’ work on building your confidence (this is something I specialise in).

Be kind to yourself

Being stuck in your head can erode your confidence and distract you from what really matters - building connections and trust with your team, developing your leadership voice and growing over time. The best leaders aren’t naturally gifted, they’re people who committed to their own growth, stayed curious, and kept going. All of those you can do. And if you need to read it from someone else - check out Angela Duckworth’s book ‘Grit: The Power and Passion of Perserverence.’

In summary - my 7 key learnings

Your leadership style does not need to look like anyone else’s to be effective.

The most liberating thing you can do is admit you don’t have all the answers. We are all still learning.

Trust is the most important currency you will trade in.

We never stop learning because the world keeps changing.

Manage yourself first.

Rome wasn’t built in a day, nor will your perfect team be. Get comfortable with the messy middle.

And the last… you’re doing far better than what you think. You’re doing the best you can with the tools you have.

Contact me for a free introductory coaching session to see if I’m the right person for you.