10 everyday leadership behaviours that quietly destroy trust
Trust is the foundation of effective leadership, and yet so many leaders unknowingly chip away at it through everyday, thoughtless, behaviours. These trust-breakers often stem from a lack of clarity in leadership values and team vision (explored through earlier posts). While the obvious culprits like not backing your team or absence during challenging times are well known, here are 10 less-discussed ways leaders lose trust and what to do instead.
Note: During my career I have seen every single one of these listed below repeatedly, and the damage they have caused is substantial.
Taking on work without considering capacity
Excitement over new ideas can mean leadership teams can commit to new work without considering the capacity of their team to actually deliver. Without reviewing existing priorities or aligning work with the broader vision, teams are left overwhelmed, burnt out, and disconnected.
Instead: Regularly check in with your team before taking on new work. Prioritise initiatives against current commitments. Consider a ‘one in, one out’ approach - if something is added, what gets moved or dropped?
Hosting exclusive or inaccessible team events
Team bonding shouldn’t come at the expense of inclusion. Repeatedly choosing social activities that exclude certain team members due to gender, culture, dietary needs, or ability - erodes connection and signals thoughtlessness. I’ve seen vegans invited to BBQ restaurants, employees who use wheel-chairs invited to team celebrations at inaccessible venues, and female executives not invited to the ‘lad’s golf days’ hosted by the rest of the [male] leadership team. It all signals a lack of care, consideration, and trust.
Instead: Choose inclusive activities everyone can participate in. If you’re not intentionally including everyone in your team, you’re unintentionally excluding.
Leading without a vision
Without a clear, shared vision, your team operates in confusion. Decisions become reactive and employees are left guessing how their work contributes, and become reliant on asking you for guidance all the time. People need purpose.
Instead: Engage your team in developing a shared vision. Facilitate conversations and invite ideas about how you’ll get there together.
Avoiding performance conversations
Hoping issues resolve themselves or waiting for someone else to step in only leads to frustration. Lack of feedback creates ambiguity and apathy and lowers standards across the board. Social psychological research shows that in order for people to perform at their best they need to feel their performance is being watched. Otherwise, social loafing occurs. Social loafing is the tendency for people to exert less effort when they don’t believe their contribution is being observed (in some studies up to 30% less effort).
Instead: Have open, supportive conversations. For example, “I noticed you held back during today’s meeting. I’d like to hear your ideas next time. Is there anything getting in the way?”
Sugar coating change
Leaders who downplay challenges or try to polish the proverbial poop lose credibility fast. Transparency matters and people are adults; they can handle disappointment. What they can’t handle is dishonesty.
Instead: Be as honest as you can about what’s happening. Share the reality along with your plan to manage it, even if it’s tough. And there’s no need to over-explain either. If you need to cut your contractor spend by 20%, say it. And then get on to the plan you have to get there.
Running a sham recruitment process
Ok we all know this one, but it’s a BIGGIE. Even the appearance of favouritism damages trust. If a process feels rigged or opaque, people will assume the worst. It also sets your new hire up to fail, as people won’t trust them with the task you’ve set. And if you do need a specific person with a specific set of skills - be up front about it. People will understand if you’re honest and they can see the logic.
Instead: Communicate clearly, follow fair process, and provide constructive feedback to all applicants.
Setting unrealistic or arbitrary deadlines
Deadlines without context or justification create stress and reduce motivation, especially when they’re revealed to be flexible after the rush to deliver.
Instead: Be transparent. Ask your team what’s achievable and negotiate timelines collaboratively.
Contacting staff after hours when it’s not urgent
Late-night emails and phone calls may ease your mental load but they add pressure to your team outside of work hours. This damages wellbeing, productivity and interrupts much needed recharge time. I know there is the Right to disconnect in Australia, but that doesn’t always stop disorganised and reactive (I said it!) leaders from making contact outside of hours unnecessarily.
Instead: Use delayed sending for emails, or schedule a conversation the next day if your matter is able to be handled within normal work hours. Respect boundaries, and take the time to define what ‘urgent’ means so everyone’s aware.
Not letting go of the ‘fun work’
Stepping into a management role means your position is there to ensure delivery through other people, and not through the technical work we love. Reserving the fun projects for yourself to deliver is perceived by employees as proof that you don’t trust them to deliver. And when you don’t trust your people, they won’t trust you back.
Instead: Show trust first. Get out of the weeds, coach your team, delegate appropriately, and give your people the exciting projects that stretch their capabilities and ignite their curiosity. It frees you up to work on the business instead of in it. Your senior leader will thank you for it.
Being inconsistent
Our human brain is looking for certainty in everything - it’s how we’ve historically kept ourselves safe. It’s why we find it hard to change our behaviours: our brain wants to know that what is coming won’t hurt us. Inconsistent directions, conversations, and plans that seem to disappear overnight are a sure-fire way to lose your people. As in number 3 - a vision is critical to set the direction, but actually sticking to it is another set of skills.
Instead: Develop a plan to deliver on your vision, and make sure all the players know their part. Better still - get them involved to help build the plan so everyone knows how they contribute.
Final thought
Trust isn’t built through the occasional grand gesture - it’s won or lost in the everyday, small, repeated moments. Leadership isn’t just about outcomes; it’s about how you show up for your people.
If you’d like help to rebuild trust in your team, contact me for an obligation free chat.
